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Every now and again I miss grad school, despite the fact that my fondest memories involved drinking, watching Lost before it became completely godawful, or some combination thereof.

Still, the urge to fashion an essay do men get hiv from women substantive academic merit silently looms over me, like the world's least exciting poltergeist. This itch is generally triggered by photos of Josh Holloway without a shirt on. So it is with zero apology that I'll abuse my present station and subject you to my ruminations on Billy Ocean's "Loverboy," the tapedeck dreadnought this side of Jeffrey Osborne's " Stay With Me Tonight.

This io9 favorite has a bafflingly uncelebrated music video that resembles Star Wars if Lucasfilm was funded solely by bingo tournaments.

Feel free to submit your peer review i just want to be your lover boy the comments. The [Brechtian] art of the epic theater consists in producing astonishment rather than empathy.

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To put it succinctly: Here are ten reasons why "Loverboy" is pop history's most challenging music video. A Casual Strangeness Unlike the reified weirdness of, say, a Lady Gaga — whose defining character trait is " Debbie Jjst who cannot rap" — the weirdness of "Loverboy" appears mostly accidental.

This is not to say that Ocean has always unwittingly dabbled in the realm of the fantastic.

But with the vocals, of course — the dub remix of this song competes with the dub remix of Hall and Freaky bbw wanted "Out of Touch" in the Olympiad of Regrettable Dub Remixes. Totally gross — a horrible ungulate man who is perpetually on the verge of vomiting travels to an intergalactic i just want to be your lover boy.

Save the barbot and TV-headed cyborgs, the patrons are extremely difficult to look at, particularly the baboon sailors. Compelled by logic foreign to our human ken, the protagonist murders a Satan alien and steals his companion, who is the hybrid of Rollen Stewart and a platypus.

Are these two genetically compatible? We do not know.

In sum, there is nothing sexually enticing about this music video, this veritable R. Kelly's "Trapped in the Cabinet of Dr.

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Caligari," except for Kneel Before Ocean Unlike other early science fiction-tinged music videos — say, the robot sequence from Michael Jackson's "Moonwalker" — Ocean excuses himself from lofer phantasmagoria in "Loverboy. Instead, he serenades the viewer from the safety of some sacred geometry.

Loverboy Lyrics: I am tapping on the glass, loverboy / I am holding fast, loverboy / 'Cause I would always be the And I'm not your baby; I just want to go home. A list of lyrics, artists and songs that contain the term "loverboy" - from the Lyrics. com Be your Valentino just for you Ooh love ooh loverboy What're you doin' loverboy You just hurt me, hurt me o-o desert me hurt me loverboy But I want you . Gotta have your tenderness all to myself. I say yeah. Yeah Yeh Yeah Wanna be your lover. Lover Wanna be your lover. Lover Loverboy And I want you really but .

Also, is Billy Ocean Kryptonian? BrundleLoverboy Of course not. Ocean became trapped in this pocket dimension by messing around on what appears to be a homemade teleporter platform, a recurring trope in s dance videos. How do we know this? Ocean made two music videos for "Loverboy" — the original one just had him jamming on a telepod. In fact, we see snippets of the first video in the Fraggle Rock housewives personals in Clayton AL house second version.

This means someone — Ocean, his label, his astrologer — purposely changed the music video for "Loverboy" to make i just want to be your lover boy completely insane.

And that's wonderful. These guys Even though these are the shittiest Jawas money can buy, they don't make my esophagus taste like old orange juice. The galaxy's loneliest rhombus Remember our discussion of Brecht before we all lost our appetites?

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In "Loverboy," the Brechtian Verfremdungseffekt "alienation effect" is not achieved through the video's diverse cast of aliens — many of whom were presumably stymied by the velvet rope at Jabba the Hutt's Palace — but by Ocean himself, who is trapped in a hologram and directly, desperately i just want to be your lover boy carnal promises at the viewer in exchange for freedom. It is a jarring spectacle, the handsome troubadour pleading with the casual listener, promising anything to escape a dodecahedron's-eye-view havre mt adult chat some distant nebula's grodiest singles bar.

That, or nobody gets laid in the Phantom Zone.

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This extra, trans-dimensional subtext transforms a simple statement of sexual admiration into the manifesto of a man ensconced eternally in the intro to Contact. The A. Cyriaque Lamar.

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